Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Print Out. . .Something

Being the innocent and carefree person that I am, I went down into the "uLab", which is like a highly sophisticated computer lab down in the basement of my dorm hall. It is extremely nice because it is so quiet that one can hear a pin drop, and if someone sneezes then people in the direct vicinity (couple of computers) say "God bless you."

They are so polite.

So I went down there today and sat down next to no one in particular.

Only problem with her: She coughs every 5 seconds.


I know you are all thinking, "Why is that a problem?" Well, let me start from the beginning.

I will let you all in on a little secret; I type. I type REALLY fast, and sometimes my fingers get excited and they press the keys somewhat hard, making a resounding "thud" as each keystroke is hit. When you put all of these 'thuds' together, it makes a rather annoying and never-ending sound.



About 15 minutes after I sat down and started to type my paper, the girl turns to me and says,
"Hey, can you keep it down over there?” I looked at her and raised my eyebrows.
"Um, I didn't even say anything. Am I breathing too loud or something?"
She just got all huffy and explained that I was typing too loud for her comfort as if I was five years of age. I just stared at her.
She fell silent and turned back to her document.


"Do you need a cough-drop or something?" I say abruptly, turning towards her.
"No. Why?" She asks sweetly. I just glared at her.



"Are you SURE you do not need anything to drink or something?" I ask, turning her way.
"Why? Am I breathing to loud or something?" She says sarcastically, clearly mimicking me. I swiftly search between her computer and mine for something sharp and pointy; nothing.

Now I am getting upset.


My fingers tightened, and I did everything within my power to keep myself from injuring this girl very badly. I counted the second’s in-between each of her coughs.


One mississippi; two mississippi; three mississippi; four mississippi…

Cough. Cough.

Eventually, I sent a paper with "I love myself" written about 50 times to the printer.

I casually walked over to the printer, swiped my card (which is required to do) and then selected my print job. I pretended that the printer was not printing my document quick enough, and I acted really upset at the printer.

So, I casually lifted up the lid, made sure no one was looking, and fed about 20 sheets of paper into the thing. I was expecting it to make a sound or start shooting out sparks or something, but it did none of the above. It just sat quietly with the 20 sheets of paper stuffed into it, 'Ready' to print.

Heh. Heh heh.


I quickly set the lid back into place and take my seat, smiling. I am such a mean person.

Eventually the girl that has the never-ending coughing fit had to get up and print something. And low-and-behold she is the first customer after I set up this little jam for her!

What luck!

I just stand back and watch the drama unfold.

Cough. Cough.


She swipes her card, selects the print job and waits patiently for it to come out.

But it never does.

Eventually, the printer starts making a high-pitched grinding noise, then stops.
"Come on..." I hear the cough-master mumble audibly under her breath. "Please...?"


"Oh no!!! I need this paper for tomorrow! I don't have a printer in my room!" The girl starts into a hysterical fit, seeing as how "she" broke the printer.

Heh he.

Cough. Cough.

"You didn't break it girl," The lab monitor says as if reading my thoughts and bustles over. She looks at the printer as if it is her first encounter with such an object. The printer continues the grinding noise, and paper is coming out the front in a shredded manner. I start to laugh quietly to myself.

Bad Jillian.


"Now just calm down sweetie," the monitor says.
"I broke it! Will I have to pay for the printer?" The girl says, going into hysterics. “I can't believe I broke the printer! Those things are really expensive!"
"Oh, they aren't that much, and I'm sure they will take it off of your Redbird account anyways." I think she meant ‘tuition’ instead of ‘account’. Being a lab monitor, I think she should be reprimanded for this transgression.
"You mean tuition? But how much will it be?" The coughing-master asks.
"Oh just a couple grand. . .we needed a new one anyways."

Now everyone in the uLab is watching the scene unfolding in front of them.

Ha. Ha-ha.

"A couple GRAND?!? Like thousands of dollars?" The girl seemed on the verge of tears.
Now was my cue.

"Oh for cryin' out loud," I say exasperatedly, standing up. All eyes are on me as I walk over and remove the lid, a procedure I had done just a few minutes ago.
"See what you did?" I say accusingly, pointing at an abnormally large paper jam.
"But I didn't DO anything!" The girl says loudly, covering her mouth simultaneously as if she had yelled a swearword.
"Obviously you did, seeing as how you were the last one to try and print something off," I say, eyeing her closely. "It worked fine for me!" I added as an afterthought.
"I didn't mean to...they wouldn't make me pay...would they?"
"Oh it's not that bad, this one time I broke a computer-lab monitor and they charged me 900 bucks; it was not as steep as I thought it would be." The lab monitor said as if this were a simple, everyday occurance.

At this point, I laughed aloud.
"Sorry, I just thought..." I said quickly.
"You think it's FUNNY that I have to pay for this damned thing?!?" The cough-master says, her eyes bulging as she looks in my direction. Then she goes into a hiccupping and coughing sort of fit.

Okay, now is DEFINITELY the time to be the hero and fix the damned printer.

"Here, I'll show you." I say loudly over the coughing-master's fit, and then I easily unfolded the amount of paper that I had stuffed there in the first place from the printer.

"Ohthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!" She says, her hands thrown around my shoulders in a hug.

Just in another day's work, ma'am.



Thursday, September 23, 2004

Make the World a Better Place

And rid it of your nastiness.

I don't want to see your low-life-skanking-and-smoking ass sitting around my precious dorm space.

I could care less if you don't want to be at least 10 feet away from the front door of my dorm building because I really don't want your nastiness floating all the way up to my dorm room, you hear?

Why hasn't anyone invented cigarettes that did NOT pollute the atmosphere or invent something so disgusting it couldn't be called anything better than "smoke".

If someone invented a cigarette that could cancel out what the industries are doing to the atmosphere, not only would that one person make millions, but he or she would also single-handedly save our planet and the deterioration of the atmosphere!

On another note, yesterday must have been "Wear Your Skank to Work" Day because everyone was wearing the most hideous clothing. I don't think I would consider those types of clothing for Halloween even!

What where they thinking?

I saw a girl perched on top of a stone "smokers bench", looking around as if she owned the place. She was also wearing the shortest of short skirts and a halter top. I swear I thought her boobs were going to pop out or something. And the skirt? No, honey, tuck the fat back INSIDE of your shirt and put on some god-damn pants or something! You are making the rest of the normal people out here sick!


As I was changing classes and going to Math, I realized I had a few minutes to spare. So I sit right next to the beautiful fountain that is right outside of the building and break out a book.

I couldn't help myself.

I looked up, and was blinded by the most hideous sight.

A flock of ho’s had just come up and sat on the same bench at one time! And they were ALL smoking! I was like ho's you better get out a sign or something because I can't tell if you guys are trying to make money or just smoke a cigarette.


And if this post hasn't given you the shivers yet or if you haven't cried out loud "Ohmigod!" then I will leave you with one other note:

Today I saw a teacher going by, and she had on a pretty long skirt with a sexy blue-shiny top. She went so fast by me that she crashed head-on into the wall and spilled her books all over. She bent over to retrieve those books, and I swear to God her shirt rode up like she was just waiting for someone to look at that nasty hairy back.

And what could be the most hideous sight of all, you might ask?

She was wearing a THONG ladies and gentlemen. Yes, a thong.

You know, I thought that there was an age limit on who could wear thongs, and I'm sure that it did NOT include 45+ year-old women!

Although it is possible but not very likely; I may be wrong on this "age limit" assumption.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Plague the Wednesday's

Well, I know that you find this a little odd to be posting about such a thing, but I'm serious!

I think all Wednesday's should be officially plagued because I haven't posted on a Wednesday in a really long time, which I found out today by accident. I was just browsing through all the comments on my blog when...why...what...?

Put two and two together to get...3?

I have never written on a Wednesday since the very, VERY beginning!


So, therefore, all Wednesday's are officially going to be plagued with a disease and are going to be eventually removed from the calendar altogether! HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!


I mean, what is the point of a day in the middle of the week? If we had an even number of days, then we wouldn't have this problem with Wednesdays being the second most ignored day of the week.

Next to Tuesday, I mean.

Okay, since this post was clearly the most insanely longest post you have ever, EVER read, I will do a recap:

1. Plague the Wednesdays.
2. Remove Wednesdays from the calendar.
3. Never insult Tuesday.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Go for a Walk

Well, this one is pretty simple and straightforward, is it not?

I mean, what could possibly go wrong with just going for a walk?

Unless you go at 1 in the morning, I mean. And you are at a college campus on a Friday night. Oh, that could change things a LOT, my friend. :-)

Yeah, really good times. Well, I can't really sleep right now because I'm so buzzed up on the amount of Mountain Dew I consumed along with chocolate, so I decided to share my insightful experience. Mmmmm...chocolate.


See, three-fourths (3/4 for math wizards) of the floor I'm living on right now (in college) went to a "Toga Party" for their Fraternity (Co-Ed)...so therefore I'm all alone, but two other guys on my floor who are really nice were also bored.

So, we decided to go for a walk, at 1 in the morning. Good times. It was me (Jillian), Ryan and Steve.

Let's just say you can meet a lot of weird, yet happy people. Mostly drunken students. There were some cops, and what weird is that there were the fewest of people who didn't seem to know each other. I mean, if you go out at one in the morning on a college campus on a Friday, they are always eager to direct you to the best parties, and which ones to watch out for. Not that we were looking for a party, mind you.

For example, we were hailed by a group of about 10 that knew nothing of us, and we didn't know them as well.

"Hey over there!" One girl shrieked. We turned around.
"What??" Ryan yelled in return.
"Dudes...there was like this...thing...where people were like...totally!" A guy stumbled over and says, ushering us to walk with them for a bit.
"Er...you mean party?" Steve said kindly, being thrusted suddenly into the flow with this guys' talk and walk.
"Dude!!! Yeah!!! There's like a really good one about a mile of the road or so...it's like got these little glasses and shit..." At this point he holds his hands up, indicating the width between his fingers about 2 inches.
"Shot glasses, 'dude'." I say, rolling my eyes. Ryan doesn't notice, but instead seems transfixed by the mans' stupidity.

"Was the party good?" Ryan said eagerly. I just groaned and slapped my head, trying to ignore the fact that we were encouraging this idiot to talk.
"Dude, it was the sweetest mutha' party I've ever been to man! I mean serious! It was off the hooook! Woooord."

A few minutes after this, we held back, and they all stumbled on. I was very happy to disburse of that moronic conversation.

It was rather funny though, like watching a late-night clown show. That was how most of the 35-minute walk went. I mean us wandering into a bunch of drunken people, having off-the-wall conversations, and then finally returning here, to the dorm hall.

* * *

After midnight they check for ID's before you are allowed in the dorm building, and Steve didn't have his. So therefore he was thinking about making a break for the stairs if they asked him. As it ended up, I signed him in and said he was spending the night with me. When I looked to Ryan to ask if he wanted to sign him in he just backed away, hands up saying "Nuh-uh girl! YOU sign him in! I ain't like that!" I just laughed and signed my name.

It was fun, and although I was upset because my roommate went to a Toga Party and then went to a drinking party to get plastered, I knew that life was still going to go on.

Although, my roommate isn't back yet and it's 2 AM now.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

100 Things About Me

100 Things about me?!?! Gheeze, that was fast! I bet a couple of you are thinking:
"Wasn't it just '50 Things About Me' a couple of days ago?"

I've also added a few "Extras" in some numbers, labeling all the additional numbers "a" and "b". :-) You'll see in a little bit.

And, if you get to the bottom without passing out or falling asleep, I'll allow you to post ONE comment. :-)


100 Things About Me

1. I am a happy person
2. I smile when I think of something funny.
3. Sometimes people are suspicious of number 2 - This makes me smile more.
4. I don't get bored easily, I'm entertained all of the time.
5. I enjoy living in a fairly large city, although my town where I grew up had a population of less than 16,000.
6. I have many friends.
7. I go to college.
8. I wake up right away to my alarm; most people I know wake up 15 minutes later.
9. Children scare me.
10. It upsets me when a child is crying for reasons I cannot understand.
11. My feet and hands are always ice cold, no matter what time of year.
12. I read Stephen King.
12a. I also enjoy reading the Harry Potter series. Can't get enough, actually. :-)
13. On my first quiz in my first college with the first teacher, I got a score of 10 out of 10. (A+)
14. I am proud of number 13, it makes me feel I started off my college career right.
15. I enjoy watching movies.
16. I enjoy watching people who are easily frightened by scary movies, for I am not.
17. When I leave the room I always leave the light on.
18. My computer is not on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
19. Sometimes my friends do not think number 18 is true.
20. My major is Computer Programming in the college I'm attending.
20a. Actually it is longer than just "Computer Programming", but this is what I tell the general public.
21. I taught myself HTML when I was in 8th grade.
22. I love computers.
23. I am currently single.
24. I believe in God.
25. In my point of view I accept everyone for who they are whether they are black, white, disabled or blind; it doesn't matter to me.
26. I have a friend who is blind -- He is a very funny person.
27. I love being around people, but I'm better listening than being the center of attention.
27a. I feel the center of attention is another persons' job.
28. Being in a BIG group of people (10 or more) makes me nervous, so I stay quiet until someone talks to me.
29. I am currently unemployed.
30. I was never in a car accident, just a sledding accident.
31. The sledding accident was the most pain I have ever been in my life.
32. Sometimes I still have dreams about hitting that tree at full speed; I wake up physically scared.
33. I am mortally afraid of choking in my sleep; it has happened to me once in the past.
34. I love writing E-Mails.
35. I think funny thoughts.
36. I feel everyone can be funny if the right moment comes along.
37. I believe that laughing will make you lose weight because of the muscles that contract your stomach are the same stimulation as if you are doing crunches.
38. I own a car.
39. It is a '94 Ford Taurus, white.
39a. It also has 127,000 miles on it.
40. In the future I plan to own a better car.
41. I set high ambitions for myself.
42. I get upset if I do not meet these goals.
43. I plan to learn everything there is to know about computers.
44. I'm serious about number 43.
45. I feel a great accomplishment if I can properly fix someone's computer.
46. I also feel greatly accomplished for the day if I did all of my homework in its entirety.
47. I feel I’ve failed my school if I didn’t do it all.
48. I love my family.
49. I think Shai M. is part of my family.
50. I love her as much as I love my brother, my mother and father.
51. I do not have a best friend.
52. I love playing PlayStation2.
53. I love being entertained by other people, for example: stand-up comedy.
54. I am addicted to the Internet.
55. I've had 2 jobs.
55a. At the Dollar Store as a clerk
55b. At ESDA. (Emergency Services and Disaster Agency)
56. I am very forgetful.
57. I am able to go to the bathroom on my own, thank you.
58. In high school, I was president of two clubs.
59. One of them didn't really matter to me; the other one did.
60. I went to Nationals in an event because I can type really fast.
60a. This happened in a club I was president in - FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America); it also happened in my Senior year of High School.
61. I can type 120 words per minute on a good day.
62. My fastest is 157 words per minute, and I haven't checked to see how fast I type in a long time.
63. When I was a freshman in high school, I got a certificate for being the fastest typer.
64. On the certificate, it said I typed 74 words per minute as my fastest in the class that year.
65. I had to actually go and get the certificate so that I could tell you the above fact on number 64. :-)
66. I have worked with enough of the "general public" to last me a lifetime.
67. When I was younger, our first dog (Brandy) who lived for 16 years (even before I was born) died.
67a. I thought I killed him because I gave him a part of my "Ice Pop" (like frozen Kool-Aide) just a few hours before he passed away. I never told anyone this fact.
68. I prefer vanilla over chocolate.
69. I don't like Bush.
70. I got a 22 on my ACT.
70a. I am not a good "Standardized Test Taker", one reason why I dislike Bush.
71. I was number 64 in my class of 236, which my mother was very proud of.
72. It takes a lot to get me upset or mad at someone. If you have been successful at this, congratulations.
73. I love listening to music.
74. I'm a sucker for all the new hits, even if they include Hillary Duff, Ashlee Simpson or Britney Spears.
75. I'm also a sucker for all the movies and previews for those movies.
76. My thinking is if I see enough previews, I will eventually go and see the movie. The power of suggestion is very good.
77. My favorite food is ice-cream.
78. I think I got this trait from my grandmother, who eats ice-cream a lot.
79. She is also the only grandparent living currently.
80. My middle name is Frances.
80a. Maybe this hurricane that is currently hitting Florida will make me famous. :-)
80b. There was just a child born and her mother made her middle name be Frances also. Told you. :-)
81. I have solved the Rubik’s Cube.
82. No, I didn't cheat. It just took me awhile and very boring moments when I had dialup internet connection.
83. This one time, I had only begun to go somewhere and when I got halfway there, I forgot what I was going for. This has only happened to me once.
84. I remember that I had been going to the fridge to get more ice, still thinking about a paper I had to write when I was a Junior in high school, and I forgot.
84a. It was probably the fact that I was also hungry upon coming to that food demon.
85. I love food.
86. I wear contacts.
87. So does everyone in my family.
88. My brother does not have to wear glasses nor contacts.
89. I think the word 'hate' is a very strong word. I don't like using it; instead, I use "don't like" or "dislike".
90. I got some of my ideas for this post from the LiveJournal thing about you. It's on a lot of my friends' LiveJournal's.
91. I am a perfectionist to a point.
92. I also have to be fidgeting if I'm not doing something; i.e. when not typing, I'm playing with my watch, etc.
93. Playing with my watch is a big fidgeting point for me.
94. I don't eat a lot of candy.
95. I love scaring little kids on Halloween.
95a. This one year I dressed up all in black and sat on our porch. I taped a sign to our door that said "Sorry not home, candy over here" with an arrow pointing to me with a bowl of candy. I flopped my arms out to make it look like I was stuffed, and I scared little kids all night long whenever they came close to the bowl. If I realized they were too little and might start screaming or hurt themselves if they were scared, I just stayed still until they got their candy and left.
96. I read all of my friends blogs that I have a link to almost everyday.
97. I love watching TV.
98. I'm addicted all all of the TV's "Reality" shows, like Survivor, Big Brother, etc.
99. I also love CSI, CSI: Miami and ER. I have watched ER faithfully (almost religiously) for the past couple of years.
100. I enjoy writing in this blog. :-)