Sunday, August 07, 2005

Go to Red Lobster

"You ever take a shit so bad your pants fit better? [Laughter] Well, I'm hoping that will happen to me later on this evening..." - Ron White (Blue Collar Comedy Tour, DVD)

I thought I would go ahead and start off this entry with a quote because it is really funny and it is one of my most favorite movies of all time. :-)

Now don't get me wrong, this vacation was nothing short of extremely fun. However, all good or "fun" things have to come to an end...

On the way home, my family decided to stop at Red Lobster. Having to use the restroom after being in a car for 4 hours, my mother and I immediately rush into their public facilities.

As I sit in a stall doing my business, I hear a young girl and a mother in the handicapped stall next to mine.

"Mommy, I don't have to pee!" The little girl whines. I slap my forehead, wondering what this woman even came in here for.

"Poopy mommy, poopy!" A little boy's voice says. My head snaps up and I stare, wide-eyed at my door.

Now normally a mother would bring in a young son because the father wasn't around. I assumed that this was the case this time.

"Sweety, please be quiet," The mother says to whom I can only guess as the young boy in a hurried voice. I hear scuffling.

"Mommy I have to poop!" The young boy yells loudly. I laugh aloud, because just thinking of what was going on over there was making me smile. I hear a flush, and my mother comes out of her stall.

"Poop comes out of the hole!" The boy exclaims again. This time I have to stuff my fist in my mouth to keep from laughing. I can hear my mother trying to cover up her laughter by turning on the faucet.

"Poopy come out of the hole, mommy!" The boy exclaims with glee.

"Joseph, be quiet!" The mother says, and I can hear her voice quiver as if she, too were trying not to laugh. I flush and come out of the stall, and I see my mother wiping her eyes frantically from laughing so much.

"Mommy have to poop?" The little boy asks in hushed tones, I hear the little girl giggle.

"I have to Joseph!" The little girl suddenly says, and I hear more laughter.

"Stop provoking him!" The mother snaps at the daughter, I assume.

"MOMMY I HAVE TO POOPY!!!!!!!“ The little boy screams as if he is being beaten.

About five minutes later the trio comes out, the mother, looking harassed, is holding her son who is screaming repeatedly that he "DIDN'T GET TO POOP ENOUGH!!!".

"I'm really sorry about this..." The mother starts to explain, telling the little girl to help her brother wash his hands. She picks him up awkwardly, the little girl not being any older than 6 or 7 herself.

"It's...okay..." My mother says, hic-coughing from trying to hide her laughter so much.

"He's just learned to say this..." She says, turning to the sink and washing her own hands. I just dry off my hands silently, looking over my shoulder at the group gathered around the sinks.

As it ends up, we were seated right by the isle that led to the restrooms.

Needless to say the mother went by one more time, holding her screaming son saying:


And other variations, of course. Isn't he a cute one? :-)