Friday, May 06, 2005

Use a Urinal

I know that some of you may immediately read this thinking:
"Oh my GOD you did not SERIOUSLY pee in a urinal, did you?!"

Well, Let me explain.

I was in the girls bathroom the other day on our floor, and I overheard this conversation while in there:

I walked into the women's bathroom.

"Hey Jessi,” A girl from my floor, named Michelle, says to another girl on my floor.
"Oh, hey Michelle,” Jessi says, turning on the water faucet.

I say nothing.

"Hey!" A voice pops in as the door swishes back into place.
"What is it?" I say, about ready to lock myself in a toilet-like cell, looking towards Meg, another girl from my floor.
"Is it okay if my boyfriend comes in here to pee?" Meg asks. I look to the other two girls.
"Well, it's fine with me,” I say, shrugging and banging my bathroom-cell door closed.
"Yeah, but why doesn't he use the other bathroom on our floor?" Michelle asks, referring to the guys restroom on the guy's side of the floor. (My floor is split in half -- half men and half women)

"Well, because he doesn't want to walk all the way down there," Meg says, flushing. At this point I'm thinking,
'Okay, so maybe the bathroom is kind of far away...'
"Okay, whatever," Jessi says, and Michelle must be giving some sort of nod or something that I can't see as I'm in the cell relieving myself.

Meg's boyfriend comes in about two seconds later.

"Woah!" He says, giggling like a schoolchild. "I haven't been in a girls bathroom since I was in grammar school!"

I flush my waste receptacle, and come out.

"Oh shush and just go already," Meg says, embarrassment lining her voice.
"Dude you guys have doors!" He says, giddy as I hear the plastic swing-door slam louder than normal in the toilet-cell that was next to mine.

"Oh god I'm so sorry about this," Meg whispers loudly on purpose, eyeing the stall in which her boyfriend was currently occupying.

"Oh it's okay," I say, laughing outwardly as I wash my hands.
"Yeah, flumph cou tak ne,” Michelle says through a mouthful of toothpaste and foam.

"What she said,” Jessi says, pulling open the swing-door and exiting.

"Man, I haven't used a toilet in awhile..." I hear Meg's boyfriend mumble audibly through the plastic door.

Michelle clears her mouth of foam, rinsing. She looks up about 3 seconds later, just as Meg's boyfriend flushes the toilet loudly and also slams the toilet seat back into place.

"Well, what do you use in the guy's bathroom?" Michelle asks, looking truly like she had no idea what the answer was.
"You're joking, right?" I say as Meg's boyfriend comes out of the toilet.

"No...don't they have toilets in there as well?" Michelle asks, digging herself in deeper.

The words hang in mid air, and I see Meg's boyfriend stop in mid-step, looking like he was torn between laughing hysterically or going over to Michelle and shaking her.

"That's GREAT!" Meg's boyfriend compromises by taking a large step towards Michelle and giggling slightly, his eyes bulging.

"No, really what do you go to the bathroom in?" Michelle asks, looking politely curious as she continues to stare at Meg's Boyfriend.

"It'll be okay Michelle, just shush now...just shush." I say, patting Michelle on the back gently a few times.