Prank Call Me

Apparently, everyone else is doing it, so join the club!

My phone number is...

HELL NO I'M NOT GIVING IT TO YOU SO DON'T EVEN E-MAIL ME YOU PSYCHO!

Just kidding. :-)

So, I got out of the shower the other day, right? Perfectly normal practice, but as I was sitting at my computer, the phone rang no less than four times.

Argh.

Ring, Ring. ;-)

"Hello?" I say the natural phrase.
"Yeah hi, is Bob there?" A woman's voice says on the other line.
"Who?"
"You know, Bob?"
"I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number,” I say, getting ready to hang up.
"No, this is the right number,” The woman says persistently.
"But, there isn't a Bob here..." I say, feeling like I just woke up. My brain was sluggish that day.
"Can you help me find him?"
"What?!"
"I just...I need to find Bob,” The girl says, and suddenly I hear some muffled sound and laughter.
"Who the hell ARE you?!" I say angrily, checking my E-Mail at the same time (I'm multi-tasking because I'm getting bored with the stupid phone calls).

Click.

About 3 seconds later...

Ring...Ring...

"Hello?" I say, a little irritated.
"Yeah, is this Pizza Hut?" The same girl says. I can distinguish her voice now.
"Yeah, can I take your order?" I improvise, indifferent.

Silence.

"Ma'am, are you wanting to order or not?" I say, pretending to sound highly irritated.
"Uhm, sure..." The girl says, trying to decide if I'm screwing with her or not.
"You want hand-tossed or thin-crust?" I ask, trying to sound like an actual employee. I had heard this spiel about a million times from other random pizza places, I had it memorized. What can I say, I'm in college! ;-)
"Thin...crust...” The girl says, a little uneasy.

"Can I have your phone number, ma'am?" I ask, smiling now.
"Er it's...HEY STOP F*&KING WITH ME!"
"What, you don't like it?" I ask with spite in my voice.

Click.

Three seconds later...

Ring...Ring...

"Hello?"
"Yeah, put Mason on the line,” The same girl demands.
"Shut up there isn't a Mason here bitch,” I say, pretending to sound really pissed off.
"Yes there is, get her now," The girl says angrily as if I had just spoiled her day.
"F*$k off,” I say.

Silence.

"You...don't...like me?" A small voice says, just as I'm about ready to slam the receiver down.

Now I have to cover the mouthpiece because I'm laughing so hard.

"GET THE F*^K AWAY FROM ME!!!" Someone suddenly screams into the receiver.
"DON'T EVER CALL ME AGAIN, F&%KER!!!" She yells into the receiver again, trying to anger me.
"What the f*^k girl, you called me, dolt!" I say calmly.

Click.

And, one more time...about 3 seconds later. This time I'm ready. I've got an idea formed...

Ring...ring...

"DON'T EVERY F*^KING CALL ME AGAIN BITCH!!!" I yell, ready to slam down the phone in a few seconds.

"...Jillian?" A voice says, making my blood run cold.

"Oh, hi mom..." I sigh, slamming my head against my desk about 17 times.