Sunday, April 24, 2005

Don't Get Mad, Get Even

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a terribly mean person. Just don't upset me. :-)

I personally believe in Karma. You know, when someone does something really mean to you, that God will punish him or her and do something mean back.

I also feel that, at times, one has to 'help' Karma along. :-)

Either way, my story begins in the laundry room:

Normally, when one does laundry, one has to go to the basement of the dorm (at least, at my school this is how it is done). So, I put my laundry in washers, and came back upstairs.

There are many washers and dryers downstairs, but I figured I would be safe in guessing to leave my stuff down there to wash because surely no one would steal wet clothing, right?


So, after about 45 minutes in my room and re-making my bed (I washed my sheets, Der!), I decide to go back downstairs to put my stuff in the washer.

Unfortunately, not to my avail, I found my sheets and pillowcase on top of a dryer -- Outside of the washer that I had put it in. I picked up the lid of my former washer, and I found someone else's clothing be washed happily in the bubbly atmosphere.

My new Enemy.

"Hmmm..." I wonder loudly to myself, looking over at my shoulder at my now-drying sheets, sitting in a puddle on top of a dryer.

After properly fixing all of my clothing so that they were ALL in dryers, I look back at my former-washer, thinking.

What if I went ahead and helped Karma along? (As you recall in the beginning of my entry...)

I picked up the lid of my Enemy's washer, and take out his now-marinated-in-soap clothing. I wring them out, and stick them in the dryer right beside the one I was using. Making sure no one was looking, I then placed the lid of the washer back into it's proper place, and let the washer run it's course with no clothing in it.

About a minute after I had done this, the Enemy's washer went off, just after I had finished stuffing the rest of his soaking clothing into a dryer.

To top it off, I asked someone for a scrap of paper, and I wrote, "Returning the Favor" on it, and stuck it in the door of the dryer, so when the Enemy would have opened his dryer, the paper would fall out.

After that, I sat in front of my dryer (The one next to the Enemy's), and watched the scene unfold.

And I didn't have to wait long.

"What the hell?!" A male says, opening up my-previous-now-his washer. I look up sweetly from my book I had brought down, luckily. He takes a few glances around the room, eyes glaze over some girl talking on her cell phone, a nerd-man reading his Biology book, and rests upon me.

"You did it." He says quietly so that only he and I can hear.
"Excuse me?" I say, pretending to be mildly surprised.

"Where are my clothing??!" He yells suddenly, looking around the room in rage. Of course, this seems to be quite a feat for this short, short man. He seems to come only to my neckline, even after he inflated from being so angry.

The girl stops chattering abruptly, looking, wide-eyed, at the guy, and shakes her head. The dork-man looks up from his book, pushes his glasses back onto his nose, and shrugs.

I bat my eyes at him.

"Who stole my clothing?!" He yells more insistently.
"Could you keep it down?" Nerd-man snaps, frowning - Nerd-man clearly didn't hear what the Enemy had said.

I smile expectantly, holding the book up to my face, but still being able to peer around it to better see The Enemy.

"Once I find out who did this..." The Enemy says, but he seems to sink back to his normal height of three feet, even. Suddenly, he starts going to each of the dryers in turn, opening the door, finding out that his clothing aren't in there, and slamming it shut again. It doesn't take him long before he is right on top of me.

"Move it." He says, for I am sitting in front of THE dryer.
"Say please," I grumble, trying to sound irritated and moving out of the way anyways.

He pulls open the door of the dryer anddd...


"YOU DID THIS TO MY CLOTHING!!" He blows up at me. I can feel his steamy breath on my face. The note I had written to him flutters soundlessly to the floor. I follow it with my eyes, and The Enemy notices. He snatches up the note and reads it in about 3 seconds.

"You JERK!!!" He yells at me again. This time I scoot back my chair, as to be as far away from his face as humanly possible.

"Are you calling me a thief?" I shout back, standing up with gruff. I notice that I tower over the Enemy, and I allow myself a smirk.

Sensing trouble, an RA bustles over in record time.

"Now come on, we're both in college,” The RA says, and it just happened to be the Nerd-Boy who was reading his Biology book.

"Damn straight, but this BITCH TOOK MY CLOTHING AND PUT THEM IN A DRYER SOAKING WET!!!" The Enemy yells, his beady little eyes popping with outrage.
"I didn't,” I say, shrugging him off to the RA. The RA seems to be X-Raying me for a minute, trying to see if I'm telling the truth.
"Okay, so just start up the dryer,” The RA says, seeming to be satisfied that I didn't do anything to The Enemy's clothing. He goes back and sits down on the other side of the washers.

"What comes around goes around,” I mumble to The Enemy after the RA had retreated.
I smile and wink at him.

Then, he snapped.

"I'LL GET YOU...SON OF A F&%%ING BITCH!!!" He yells, his popping eyes swiveling madly in their sockets as he started on me.
"YOU DID IT FIRST ASSHOLE!" I scream at him as I get up and back away to the dryers on the opposite wall. I hold up my fists, ready to knock him dead. I watch as the RA gets up and runs to block his path as The Enemy advances on me...

At least, it would have been more entertaining if it had happened this way.

Instead, after I mumbled 'What comes around goes around' to The Enemy, he gripped his detergent so hard he poked a small hole in the side and spilled about 1/4 of it all over the floor. Then, the RA came over and promptly made him clean it up.

I even put my feet up for him. :-)

Although not as entertaining as if I would have gotten into a fistfight with this very short man, it still did the job for getting even.

And I don't think he needed Karma after I got through with him.