Thursday, April 07, 2005

Dear Noteworthy College Student,


How can I put this without offending anyone?

You. Are. A. Dumbass.

But not just any regular dumbass, I can assure you. You are the Prime of Dumbasses. The King of Idiots. The Almighty of Morons. The Great...oh you get the picture.

While I was walking innocently through the quad, you are on a bicycle. Now, if my legs were made out of wheels then I would have been on a bicycle as well.

But that's not how it went.

Can you not see me?

You know, I definately think that you aren't even watching where you were going.

Maybe if you got some contacts or something you would have seen me before you sent myself and my bookbag flying.

You're sorry?

No, that's definately not going to cut it. Now my jeans are all muddy because it has been raining all day and all night, for almost six and a half days! (You won't understand this crack, but I forgive you.)

Are you going to pay for these jeans?

No, no you are not.

Are you going to come over and at least pick my bookbag out of the mud which is devouring it?

Oh, thanks.

No!! DON'T SET IT......!!!!!!!!!


You see why I call you a dumbass now?

Here let me explain this to you, the Most Incompetent Person on This Earth:

You picked up my bookbag. Are you with me so far? Have I lost anyone?

Okay, good.

Then, you brought it over to me, and placed it in my already mud-filled lap.

The bookbag fell out of my lap, and into the mud that I had been laying in.

Yeah, I'll just lay here while you pedal away, obliviously and stupidly happy that you had 'helped' me.

Thanks, Idiot.