Sunday, October 31, 2004

Get on an Elevator

...with a drunk person.

Now THAT is fun times.


Especially when it is just you and the drunken guy and his down-to-earth friend.

Really cool.

Well, let's just cut to the chase and I'll tell you the most INTRIGUING conversation I've had in awhile:

(Enter Elevator)
Me: " he alright?"
Drunken Guy [DG]: (Snaps out of his stupor for a second) "Dude! I was did I get here? I'M ON AN ELEVATOR??!!??!!"
Cool Friend [CF]: "Erm, you fell asleep and I carried you on here..." (He looks at me and rolls his eyes as if to say, 'No, I didn't, but play along')

Me: "Ah, of course."
DG: "WOAH!" (Realizes I'm apparently on the elevator also) "When did you get on here?!"
Me: "About two seconds ago."
DG: "Cooooooolll..." (Stumbles over to the elevator buttons) "What are these for?"

And of course, he presses the number 14 button JUST as we were passing it. The elevator lets off a squeeling and grinding noise, stopping on a dime apparently. The doors open, and the "DG" (Drunken Guy, for those who have alzheimers) steps out of the elevator and calls stupidly...

DG: "Hey! The elevator is here!"
Me: "You know, somehow I get the feeling no one is coming on..."
DG: "Bastards..."
CF: (Stiffles laugh, trying very hard to keep a straight face; throws me a look)

Me: "Is he okay?" (I'm talk to the cool friend now)
CF: "Oh yes." (Gives DG an impatient nudge in the ribs)
DG: (Snaps out of another drunken stupor; suddenly says) "WE NEED TO GET OFF HERE!!!"

(The Drunken Guy [DG] jabs the 10 button, and again with the squeeling and abrupt elevator stop; my knees buckle slightly)

Me: "Gheezus!!!"
CF: "I'm really, really sorry about this...really...I'm..."
DG: (Steps out of elevator, calling up and down the hallways again) GET THE F*$K IN THE ELEVATOR YOU SLIMY BASTARDS! WE AREN'T GONNA' HOLD IT MUCH LONGER!!!

Me: "Oh dear God."
DG: (Steps back into the elevator) "The NERVE of these people!"
Me: "Yeah, dammit. I mean, WHY are they playing games on us?"
DG: "Dunno'..."
CF: (Let's out a loud snort, covers mouth and throws me another look, eyes watering)

Me: "Hey, I think number 6 is a good floor..."
DG: "You're right" (Jabs the 'Floor 6' button)
CF: "You know man, I think she was just kidding."
(Elevator stops smoothly on floor 6)

DG: (Steps out of elevator) "COME ON PEOPLE!"
Me: "Oh this is going to be fun."
CF: "What? Oh please don't mess with him...don't you see he has enough issues?"
Me: "What the hell...?"

I step out of the elevator and realize that he is yelling at an innocent girl in the hallway. She's on her cellphone, completely ignoring the person on the other end and just staring at the DG with her eyes as wide as golf balls. I hurry over...

Me: "I'm really, REALLY sorry. He's...he's just, you know!"
Random Girl: "Yeah, I know."

(Back in Elevator)
DG: "I can't BELIEVE her. Hitting the button and pulling a prank like that" (he looks seriously pissed, but I'm sure he won't remember this in the morning...)
Me: "Yeah, sheesh. I mean, I don't know why she couldn't have taken the stairs, ya' know?"
DG: "Yeah...Hey (Sudden change of mood) ...thanks for saving me back there. I don't know what I would have done without you...I really appreciate it."

(Wait, did I save his life or something?)

Me: "Erm...No problem...I think."
CF: "Yeah, thanks for saving his life." (Says sarcastically, gripping his drunken friends' shoulders.)

DG: "You know what?"
Me: "What?"
DG: "You are HOT!!!"
Me: "Awww...Thanks."

The elevator doors slide open on the first floor finally, and that's the end of THAT conversation.

This Halloween weekend couldn't have been any better. Gotta' love the elevator rides and the random drunk people!

I bet he's going to have one HELL of a hangover tomorrow morning.

Good luck to you, Random Drunken Guy!

Oh, and Happy Halloween everyone! :-)