Dear Noteworthy College Student,

My, what the perfect time of year, and what a great day I might add!

I love just walking here, behind you, monitoring your butt ever-so-closely. The bag you hold jingles in unexpected ways, and although I am a bit freaked out by it, I find the whole situation cute.

Oh! You are turning around slowly; maybe you have forgotten that I am behind you?

Your hand rises in a gesture that I shall surely respond to...

Oh my goodness, I never knew that you had such a large nose!

What a magical moment this is!

Now, if you could, please, remove your finger from your nose? I know that the booger is accentuating your face in ways I never thought imaginable, but somehow I do not think that this is a good first impression on your part.

Especially if you are trying to get my phone number.

I am glad that you and I shared this wonderful experience together, and the happy look on your face tells me that you have found a rather large booger this time around.

Yes, I also understand that digging for gold is your strong suit, but maybe if you were holding flowers or a box of chocolates for me it would be a better situation.

I am so sorrowful that this was not the circumstances of meeting you that I had imagined it to be.

I am also sorry to inform you that I was actually turned off by the whole nose-picking situation.

And no matter how hot you are, I will still not give you my phone number.

My apologies.

Sincerely (Not) Yours,

Me